Lose the Costume

I distinctly remember telling myself, "It doesn't matter what other people think about you."

But fifteen minutes into my first day of middle school, the teacher was taking attendance, and when the name Joel Hansen was read off, three boys in the back laughed, like my name was a joke.  Thinking quickly, I told the teacher my name was J.D. (short for Joel David).

This is the beginning of a string of chameleon-like changes in my life.  As I look back to my middle school and high school years, I see many costumes I wore for short periods of time.  Ever year or two I changed my clothing style, my friend group, my way of talking and the music I listened to.  It seems to me that I just got really god at paying attention to what was acceptable, and fitting in to that mold (even if it was the mold of a star wars geek, punk rocker, roller hockey fanatic, etc.).

I am so good at looking around at how I am supposed to talk and act and dress and even think, and then copying it.

I bet you’re pretty good at it too.   

Run for the Prize

I’ve been trying to go running lately.  

And as I run, I often ask myself questions like, “Why are you doing this to yourself; you have enough things to do?” or “Who cares if you take a little break?”  It is difficult to set goals for myself, and hold myself accountable to those goals, so that I can fight the temptation to slow down, or give up.

Then I wonder, in how many areas of my life am I this lazy?  How often do I set my goals low, and then quickly offer myself forgiveness when I don’t meet the goals I have set?  In how many places do I find myself running the race as if I have already won the prize, instead of running the race in such a way as to win the prize?

There are parts of life where we cut ourselves a little slack, or where we compare ourselves to the people around us, instead of our Creator’s perfect standard.  It is probably not too difficult for you to think of some areas like that. 

To the Rescue

A large part of Camp Phillip for me has always been the songs.  The music at Camp has always been a way for me to pray, reflect, commune with God.  

I wrote this song at the end of a morning of Scripture reading and prayer.  It was such a blessing to be out in God's creation with a Bible, and a journal and a guitar (and a thermos of coffee).

It's interesting that the song that was written on a glorious day like that is about the hope we have in Christ on days that aren't nearly as glorious.  But I guess having a day when God's truth and love is so clear to me reminded me of the days that I try to handle the old man in me, the devil, and the sinful world all on my own.  It is great to know the reality that I am never really on my own.

Crazy Confidence

Sometimes when I look up from the Bible, I get discouraged.   Scripture describes what our lives could look, and I am excited about the picture.  Then I see what we've made of it, and I lose heart.  I often respond to this by taking the burden onto my shoulders to fix the world.

This weekend we had a teen retreat at Camp, and it became clear that I am not the only one who loses hope when faced with the reality of the sinful world around us.  The girls cabins spent some time in reflections on Friday night thinking about the parts of their life where they need to trust God's will, and rest confidently in him.  (Normally, we don't share reflections, but since they chose to post their reflections in the dining hall on the wall for everyone to see...)

There are times that you probably look around and don’t notice God at work.  There are times when you feel like he hasn’t given enough evidence of his power and control.  So many things happen that shouldn’t.  Things don’t seem to make sense.  Things don’t fit in with your plan.

And so you doubt God.  You give up on him, and think that you need to go elsewhere to find peace.  Maybe in your own accomplishments, or your relationships, or you escape into your pastimes.

The truth is that our giving up, our giving in, demonstrates a lack of trust in God.  This isn’t surprising I guess.  Not trusting was the first sin.  Really all sin is about not trusting.